Crazy For You

The Freedom to Learn blog at Psych Today has this advice: How to Advise and Help Your Kids Without Driving Them (or Yourself) Crazy (see the linked article for the full list)

1. When your child asks for help or advice, give only what was asked for...
2. Before offering unsolicited help or advice count to ten...
3. Before trying to protect your child from danger, think of the potential benefits as well as the potential costs of the "dangerous" behavior...

Redshirting First Grade

Yesterday morning NPR had a story about teenage football kickers. The boy they interviewed was 15. But he was in the 8th grade!

I was 17 when I graduated from high school. I was always one of the youngest kids in my class. I never found it to be an academic deterrent. It was an athletic challenge - a challenge until I was 16 and in my junior year that is. At that time my body caught up to the lessons and skills I had developed from always competing against more physically mature opponents. In the end I saw it as an advantage.

But it seems there is a trend of more parents delaying their child's entry into school in order to provide an advantage that an extra year of development provides.

See Federal Reserve Bank Of Boston Working Paper: The Lengthening of Childhood

there is little evidence that being older than your classmates has any long-term, positive effect on adult outcomes such as IQ, earnings, or educational attainment. By contrast, there is substantial evidence that entering school later reduces educational attainment (by increasing high school dropout rates) and depresses lifetime earnings (by delaying entry into the labor market)

I also read a recent book review of 'The Nurture Assumption' (See sp!ked: It’s time to move beyond the nature/nurture divide). This book makes the argument that parents have very little to do with how their child turns out. And in fact, genes and peer groups are the most important determiners.

‘The experts are wrong: parental nurturing is not what determines how a child turns out'

This relates to this idea of redshirting because many parents believe that they can improves their child's self-esteem if they give them an advantage to succeed. However, as the book argues:

Contrary to the current orthodoxy, Harris argues that self-esteem is based on what we do, not on how we are encouraged to feel.

Looking at this from my own standpoint as someone who was young but had a best friend in elementary school who was redshirted (held back in first grade actually), there is no doubt that he had higher self-esteem for a long time and I wondered what was wrong with me. However, over the long term the advantage I gained of besting older kids prepared me better for the real world than the short-term artificial advantage provided to the kids who were held back.

But in the end, the parent is right. If a parent feels that their child is not ready for school then they must trust that instinct. However, they must also keep in mind if their decision is based on what they want or what their child needs.

The Home Alone Question

When I was 10 my parents and grandparents thought I was old enough to stay home alone. But then after almost cutting off my thumb on a power saw (I believe I stopped the bleeding by promising God I'd stop being mean to my sister) it was awhile before I was home alone again.

In general though, it is a question of maturity and therefore boys and men should probably never be left alone but girls are probably fine around 8.

See NPR: Home Alone: Is Your Tween Ready?

Swim Lessons Are Beneficial

NYT: Children: Early Swim Lessons May Reduce Drowning

A new study adds weight to the argument that giving swimming lessons to children ages 1 to 4 makes them less likely to drown.

The idea might seem obvious, but some safety experts have raised concerns that teaching young children to swim may put them at higher risk by diminishing their natural fear of water or making their caregivers overconfident.

That Teenage Feeling

USNews: How to Deploy the Amazing Power of the Teen Brain

...experts now are realizing that the popular parental response—to coddle teens in an attempt to shield them from every harm—actually may be counterproductive.

This is why I call my parenting style "boundaries for failure".